Shreya Teresita
A Letter to My Unborn Child
My darling baby
the world wants me to have you
it’s been subtly demanding
ever since I started to bleed
when I was 12.
It’s been telling me, one way or another
that I, a woman, was put on this world
to birth a child...to be a mother.
I’m in my late 20s now
all grown up and somewhere to be;
all fertile and young
and amped-up
and no
I am not ready to have you.
Your grandmothers — and many others
they keep telling me that
my biological clock is ticking
that soon, it will be too late
for my body to form you;
that one day, I’ll regret having wasted time
chasing career goals
when I should’ve had you.
But here’s the thing, you see
there’s a tick-tock
louder than my biological clock;
life is running out as we speak
and Mamma’s got miles to go
before she sleeps.
Mamma’s got dreams, little one!
I’m sure you’ll be cute as a button
but my dreams are big and shiny
there’s so much to do and so little time
the shoes still too big to fill
the bar still set too high.
Your grandmothers — and many others
they keep telling me that
my career and my aspirations are fine
but it’s motherhood that should be
the mother of all my dreams
that procreation is my duty
that birthing you will COMPLETE me
else I’ll only be half of a woman.
My darling baby
let’s agree on one thing
you will not be the product
of the society’s expectation from me
or a consequence of others’ decision
of what I should do with my body.
Little one
you will be my CHOICE.
Speaking of choice
I don’t care what gender you have
or if you choose
not to have one
but if you are a girl, know this—
People will ALWAYS judge you.
They will always try to dictate you
and bully you
about your rights and choices
about your body and your life.
To such people, pay no attention
ignore when you have to
but never stop the fight
and even if they're not enough
always know
you have RIGHTS.
My darling baby
I don’t know when I’ll have you
but when I do I hope the world
is better and brighter for you than it is now.
I hope you have more rights than I do
more love and better people around you
than those before you have had
and less to be scared of.
Little one, right now
I’m a grown-up and a child
all rolled into one myself.
Still figuring things out
still trying...
trying to weave out sense
from the chaos
weed out groping hands from
the caring ones.
So, my darling baby
you’ll have to wait
as many eggs as it takes
for mamma to be ready first.
And when you are here
know that for many, I'll be a bad mom
for I'll not make all the sacrifices expected of me.
Know that you will be here because
I'll choose to be your mom
but when your time comes
you can choose otherwise
and that is okay.
So, hang in there, little one
until we meet.
With lots of love,
Your not-quite-yet mum
